Do You Hear That?

In a world filled with sounds, we can easily get pulled in by noise, unaware of the things that we truly need to hear. Like the sound of that little beating organ inside your chest.

How many times have you listened to your heart – wholly, intentionally, and truthfully?

I admit I haven’t for quite a long time. Through the years, I have occasionally hushed its whisper, dismissed its call, and ignored its shout. So it was a new thing for me when I got to pause and listen to what my heart has to say. I hope to share with you the 2 things that my heart revealed when I dared to listen.

The first thing I heard was –It’s okay to fail; you are not defined by what you do.

Being an “achiever”, I’ve always wanted to excel at what I do. Back in elem and HS, I made sure that I get good grades. I joined whatever extracurricular activities I can, and I even made sure that I was part of the top 3 players of Chinese Garter in my class. Whatever it is, I want to do well!

Don’t get me wrong – It’s fine to want to do well. But when you overdo it, like what I did with my constant pursuit of achievements, it can have a negative impact. I noticed I easily get frustrated when I don’t do well. Disappointment both in myself and others creeps in when standards are not met. I avoid taking risks or trying out new things because I’m scared I might fail.

Little did I know that my achievements were no longer just a set of accomplishments; my achievements have started defining me — who I am. I’ve let my identity be dependent on what I can and cannot do. If I fail at what I set out to do then I am a failure.

When this hit me, I knew it was wrong. Something has to change and it has to start with me. I had to remind myself of this truth: that failing is part of life because no one is perfect. I am more than my set of achievements because I am created in the image of God. I also started challenging myself by taking little risks like agreeing to lead a project which is outside my comfort zone. I became mindful when I start overanalyzing and becoming critical of myself and others.

Now when failure hits me, I still feel it, but I just remind myself. “Hey there heart! It’s okay to fail; you are not defined by what you do.”

The second thing I heard was – It’s okay to be scared to love, but please love anyway.

I realize that I, at times, hesitate in loving people because they can reject, judge, and hurt you.

I can enumerate so many reasons as to why it’s scary to love people. I was bullied in elementary. I was deserted by friends due to misunderstandings. I had my heart broken when a guy I liked ended up courting my pretty friend instead.

On the other hand, I can tell you even more stories of how people have made my heart full in various ways. I have friends who have gone out of their way to cheer me up when I broke up with my boyfriend at that time. Our relatives who we don’t see that often have come to our aid when my dad was diagnosed with a critical illness. I have seen strangers helped me out of the blue, asking for nothing in return.

Given a choice, I pray that my heart will continue to be brave in loving people even if they can reject, judge, and hurt me. I know this will not be easy, but I believe the key to loving even the unlovable is to simply love them.

Love without expecting anything in return. Accept the fact that even well-intentioned people and your closest loved ones will disappoint you but it does not mean they love you less. Learn to let go of hurts and when you do, do not keep a record of wrongs.

Now, when I find it hard to love people, I go back to this commitment that I will still love them anyway.

For you, what do you think your heart will say if you only pause and listen? I encourage you to take time to do that.

Perhaps next time that I ask you this question – Do You Hear That? You will be able to say clearly, “YES, my little heart, I hear you. I hear you!”

A Box Full of Letters

With the new house move, I got my hands on a box full of letters — collected, read, and re-read through-out the years. This collection of keepsakes brought memories that made me smile, laugh, cringe, wonder, but most importantly grateful.

Photo credit: girlterest.com

Let me share some of my realizations…

Some things remain the same.

I saw letters dated 1999 and those addressed to me for my 11th birthday. That’s how far back I got to look back. Yet, in all of the years that passed by, some things (or people in this case) remain the same. And I’m glad they did.

Perhaps you’ve met them too. That High school barkada who cheers you on, tells you you’re wonderful, wants nothing but for you to be happy, not afraid to apologize when they’re at fault, and most importantly reminds you of God’s presence in your life.

If you have, I encourage you to thank God for them every single day and to make an effort to keep them a constant part of your life. It need not take a grand vacation to keep the friendship alive, just make an effort to catch-up on what’s happening in their lives. Be there for them, the same way they have been for you through-out the years.

Some things are bound to change.

I am surprised at the depth of gratitude and promises expressed in some of the letters because I’m not even aware about the current whereabouts of its sender. So we were that close at one point in time but have drifted apart. Some promised to keep in touch even after high school, to make me as one of her bridesmaids when she gets married, and to set our future kids as playmates. Those are big promises!

Now, I’m not walking down the path of regret and start agonizing over what went wrong and why there’s this huge distance between me and these once-upon-a-time-dear-friends.

What I’d like to take with me is the hope that I have made a difference, albeit small, in their lives… the joy that both of our lives are forever changed for the better because of that brief encounter… and the resolve to be intentional so that these good relationships don’t just crumble and fade away in time.

In all of these, I know God has brought these people in my life for a reason. My prayer is that He will open and strengthen my heart that I may continually and untiringly love them. At the same time, I hope for that courage to reach out and rekindle friendships if He asks me to.